Sunday, 17 November 2013

Spiralling around life.

It's interview time for the Rector@6 - time to answer to the big boss. After six months, new incumbants get an entry interview with the bishop to discuss how things are going. A little while ago, one very good friend asked me how it really was for me and I declined to answer then, but now, I think I can. Things are slotting into place - I don't feel settled but I don't feel unsettled - so I suppose that is good. I miss Devon hugely but I am getting to know the area around us a bit more. Because we have been running back to Devon when we do have some time off, this has prevented us exploring our new surroundings as quickly as we might have done. I have been unready to rent out our Devon home and we have needed somewhere to escape from the telephone. So we have kept our house and done some very necessary repair works on it - and God has done some necessary repair work on me! We have been approached by a family who may be interested in renting the house after Christmas - and I know that it will be the right time to let it go.
Following the format of the Rector's interview, I will put my side:-
My Wellbeing.
The house is an on-going annoyance - there is still work to be done on it, some as a result of the quinquennial inspection, some because things were not kept in good order or finished properly. It has made it difficult to really settle and hopes of changes to the bathroom or kitchen are completely dashed so I will continue to sport burns on my hand from our badly sited oven. I have to accept the 'that will do' attitude but it doesn't endear me to stay here - we have owned our own home for too many years to accept this.
I haven't looked for a new job as yet - but I have ventured out into the world of horses and I am learning all the time. Almost exactly a year since giving up teaching, I am back in the local school as a volunteer. I shall see how that goes.
I'm tired and I miss weekends and two clear days to play - we miss days off quite regularly and because I have commitments, the Rector@6 can't just change the day off at late notice because something comes up, and expect to spend it with me. We haven't got this right yet
We like the parishes and the parishioners (which is fortunate) and we are getting involved in various local activities - including the pantomime.
My New Post - Rector's Wife
It wasn't included in the Rector's job description and I didn't intend being a full on rector's wife but it is hard to avoid. There is just so much to do and so I am now acting as the Benefice secretary to try and help the Rector@6 get to grips with the parishes.
How do I feel about this ministry after 6 months - well I certainly wasn't born to it!
My Induction
I have hardly met another vicar's wife. I don't think there is anything for spouses - or at least I haven't heard about it yet. Dorset is very good at keeping secrets. Perhaps I'm not looking in the right places. It would be good to meet others who know what it is really like behind the rectory/vicarage door.
My development
I 'get' the rural living but not the 'eating, sleeping and talking' church all the time. I remember life before this
and I miss it. I miss laughing - thank goodness for the pantomime group, my dogs and a good bottle of wine (this is not cause for concern...yet!).
I have found I can organise craft workshops. I would like to sing and play more music but I am worried about standing on people's toes. I'm learning that I am seen as being useful for feeding information to the vicar (in a roundabout way) - so I try not to get too involved.
I'm also learning that:-
I can't really have an opinion.
I can't get too involved with only one church.
It's not a good idea to have bright ideas!

I feel my life is spiralling around - revisiting uncomfortable places with a more open mind, returning to the world of education and learning new skills in old hobbies. I have started building a spiral pathway in our garden to mark this stage (and to remove some of the moss ladened turf). I find I can escape the world when I throw myself into a new garden project (- I will keep you updated on the progress) - and I do need to escape at times.


  1. Full marks for your interview! Wisely chosen thoughts and words.

    I hope you find good renters for your house. And find other wives who are living a life similar to yours.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

  2. Hello I read your blog and live a similar life to yours, albeit on the other side of the world, such a shame or we coudl have had a coffee and a laugh. I could have written many of your statements . God bless you.

  3. I think it's so valuable and important to recognise your own feelings - own them and start to make sense of them. I used my blog to do this too when we first move to Spain. I am sure when you look back in another six months time, you'll be amazed at the progress you've made - I think your spiral analogy is fantastic! All the best - and although I doubt you'd have the time, I've found drawing is a great focuser...especially Zentangles and all the derivatives of this art. Axxx

  4. Hello, I've been following your blog for a while, written words are not my strong point, but I wanted to respond to this. I'm a recent clergy wife too, we also had many years of a different life before this one. It's a different denomination, different rural coast line, and I'm couple of years ahead of you, but much of what you say is so familiar (why are spouses so invisible to the training process when they are so visible in the parish?!). I still wonder sometimes what I'm doing and what I'm supposed to be doing. It took a long time to use the word 'home' for the church's house here, but I'm more fluent with it now and begining to feel more settled. Perhaps any major life change takes this long to feel 'normal' but it's longer than I had expected it to take. Thank you for blogging, it's helped me to feel 'not the only one', and many times you seem to have a clearer insight into things than I do.

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to write - I started blogging as therapy because there was nowhere to rant and I was so angry. I keep saying there should be a spouses' (hate that word) network because it is such a different life to 'normal' life.Sometimes I feel like I have given my husband away. That sounds awful - but I suppose I am not fully fledged as a rector's wife yet and I still get angry at the expectations placed on him.
      Keep in touch

    2. And the longer he stays, the more expectations will come. Sadly.

      Blessings and Bear hugs!