Thursday, 19 June 2014

Last Post (for a while)

It is time to stop. Blogging is no longer the correct medium to be recording the journeying of the Rector@6 and I. The words won't come (or if they do - I fear I might be indiscreet!). I must write positively if this is where we are meant to be. I can't write about the relentless turning of the hamster wheel that goes on in the rectory - sermon writing, newsletter writing, meetings with agendas and minutes and service preparation for six churches - each wanting to keep their service pattern and format. I can't write about the lack of real friendship and support from those who understand the life in a public house. (I don't mean that sort of PUBlic house!) I can't write about that feeling of isolation, after having had a working life - I haven't met another clergy spouse whose other half is employed full time by the church - where are they?.
I can't write about the evangelical judgements made by some in the past (and I still hear today) that have left people damaged and refusing to have anything to do with the church. I can't talk about the inherited team that didn't seem to want to be a team. I can't write about a property department that does not care or that is stretched too widely with too little money. I mustn't mention the endless hedge and grass cutting in our lovely large garden and the lack of time to do it. I must have no opinion about the people who are supposed to care for the new clergy and their families but seem to have no interest in getting to know them. I am a box ticked because I have stayed here.
In this country, where people are getting bigger and diabetes is a recognised problem, but I mustn't mention the cakes that fuel the coffee mornings or the lack of encouraging Fairtrade at the expense of taste. Even the children's work have cake related names and cake is served.
I must ask politely about the exotic holidays people are disappearing off on - when we can't even manage two consecutive days off. I can't write about not having weekends to visit friends and family who work on weekdays.
As you see - this blog would be an endless list of moans and groans - and no one wants to read that. I must focus on the positive - the increasing number of weddings and baptisms, the beautiful countryside that we are surrounded by, two amazing horses and two lovely dogs -and then I find myself reaching out for that sense of awe and wonder in our world. So often God seems to get lost in the day to day running of a rural patch. There is little time for reflection or contemplation for the Rector@6. The phone rings late a night with requests from people who have been out at work during the day. A two minute walk to collect the paper can take half an hour - fine when you have a spare half an hour. Fending complaints from people who don't come to church, about the Christmas star on the tower, the state of the graveyard and the noise of the bells ringing are all part of the job. Even prayer with others seems to become a long list of requests to God to do this or that.

We are losing the abilty to laugh - and that is serious! I am sure that is not what God intended when he called the Rector@6. I used to find that blogging allowed me to vent my frustrations ( you see I can still do it!) and put things in perspective. Now I am looking over my shoulder and wondering who will be judging my honesty. So I must stop blogging. Rectory life is not a golden bubble and it does need some adjusting. That will take time and space- so blogging must stop for now.
Thank you for your support - especially those clergy and clergy spouses who have been there, are there, seen it, are seeing it and done it or are doing it - your comments and emails have been great encouragement. The Rector@6 and I are not done yet - we just need to concentrate on God's service......(and each other).
Thank you for journeying this far with me - do stay in touch!


  1. I think your post is fair and reasonble and shows how hard you are being driven by your life. I hpe and pray that you will find close and discrete! friends nearby, and support and understanding from the people you are living for.
    I wish you all the best, and will miss your posts and pictures.
    ps hope you manage a break soon!

  2. I feel for you Harriet and I was drawn to your blog in the first place by your honesty. I understand why blogging could be difficult to do right now - you have made the reasons very clear and I think you are right. There is, as you know, a wonderful sense of community in blogland though, which does help when times feel very hard and the pressure is on, so I do hope you'll keep in touch somehow can say whatever you want in a comment box on my blog! You've shared some beautiful images of life where you are now and I've always enjoyed how you write. I do think a little holiday might help so I hope there will be one in the offing before too long. Take care and enjoy the important things in your life. Big hugs to you and to the Rector. Axxx

  3. I'm very sorry to hear this, Harriet, but completely understand why you've come to this decision. I've been following your blogs for a good while now and will miss your posts. Thanks for the email address, which I will use to send you mine, just in case you need to let off steam to someone who has been there and done that and still bears the scars as well as the good memories. However email isn't the same as a good friend you can talk things over with face to face and so I really hope you can find someone or ones with whom you can share what's on your mind and heart. God belsds you both and I hope we may see you back in blogland at some point. Pxxx

    1. ...I did actually mean 'bless' but my fingers had other ideas. Memo to self, remember to proof-read comments.

  4. I have thought about your life as a Rector's wife, and marvelled at your coping abilities. I will miss your blogs, but quite understand your reasons for stopping. I do hope that things will look up for you, and that your charges will come to appreciate what God has given them in you and the rector. Hope you find time for rest and peace. God bless.

  5. Have only just managed to find you again- my memory is not what it was and I couldn't remember what you blogged under. I completely understand your comments above even though at the moment I am only a curate. Prayers and God's blessing for you both as seek to discover more of What He has for you in this place.

  6. Well clearly I'm behind with blog reading! Sorry to hear you are disappearing from Blog Land but do completely understand. Wishing you well for the future and hope that things work out for you.

  7. I'm even further behind with blog reading than Sian but I am sorry you've had to stop blogging, although I can understand why you needed to stop. Good luck in the future to you & the Rector.

  8. I though I had appended a note before, but it seems not. I hope things are going well, or at least reasonably.

    Blessings and Bear hugs!

  9. I think I must have the award for being behind with blog reading............! Seriously, I still felt that I wanted to get in touch because I sincerely hope that everything is more settled for you now. I've just come back to the 'blogosphere' after a period of non-posting. Sometimes it helps to see things in print.. at other times it makes everything infinitely worse. All the best, Jx

  10. I am sorry, Harriet. Keep blogging, if you can. It's cathartic, and it's you, not the Rector. A new blog, new name? Your list sounds dispiriting. Keep praying for small changes to begin happening, and insist on holidays and off-hours.
    Will pray that you keep your joy.