Friday, 27 September 2013

Why would anyone want to be a vicar....or a vicar's wife?

The honeymoon is over and the clouds are rolling in. We knew it had to come to an end but the reality of the life we find ourselves in, is hard to take. We ended our summer holiday with four days next to the beach with no television, internet or telephone. We thought we were energized, refreshed and ready to go, but the coal face is a lot harder than we anticipated. I have been alongside The Rector@6 through 3 very, very long days and the contrast with the peace and silence we had experienced last week was vivid. So many voices, so many personal agendas, so much talking and being talked at. I hope that this really isn't the Kingdom of God because right now, I don't want to be part of it. I feel bruised and exhausted and I can't imagine how The Rector@6 feels. Right at this moment I want to go home......I will write more when things are more in perspective and I am less tired. I write so that I can reread this at a later date and know that things did get better.

The problem of being the vicar's wife is that you feel no one comes as a genuine friend, they all eventually want to tell you where the church has gone wrong or how it could be better if it was done this way or that way. I suspect this is in the hope that I will pass it on. I am tired of talking about church.

8 comments:

  1. Surrounding you with hugs and best wishes. What is the old saying ... its always darkest before the dawn. As aside ... isn't the vicar supposed to be the leader, not the one led?

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  2. Just what I need...thank you! The vicar seems to be a punch ball for previous regimented regimes I think!

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  3. Poor Harriet, I feel for you. Being the clergy spouse can be very hard if you're involved in church life yourself, as you're seen as an obvious soft target in the struggle to gain the ear of the vicar. My DH was lucky as he has never been a church-goer, so all he did was answer the phone when I wasn't in and do his share of churchyard mowing. He just wasn't around to be buttonholed. I do hope this is just a bad patch which will pass.

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  4. Church politics are horrific - I don't envy you! I hope that this is the 'darkest hour' and you start to see something of an improvement. Jx

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  5. I am married to a clergyman and to be honest I hate the church. Not God, or Jesus, no not at all. I just hate the sanctimonious two faced back stabbing bunch of hypocrites who think they can say what they like to me because I am married to "their" vicar. I have a career in the NHS and I see life on a daily basis as it really is. I see people devastated at the bedside of their loved one who is dying, the look on the face of a patient waiting for the doctor to tell them how ill they really are. That is real life, not arguing and moaning about someone moving a chair in their precious meeting room or singing their favourite hymn to a different tune or tutting and sighing because the vicar has dared to allow the Sunday morning service to go on a little longer than suits them. I try to support my husband and attend things with him but I have had terribly nasty comments made to me by so called Christians. The comments my husband has had aimed at him have not been much better either. These people seem to forget that "their" vicar is also a human being and not their property.

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    1. You have my greatest sympathy. I also work in the NHS which is a tough occupation these days. I'm also a clergy spouse and find I'm just too exhausted for church politics when I get home, just not interested. I find everything to be over fussy and time wasting. So many meetings, planning this and that which can be so exhausting.

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  6. Looking for inspiration, found your blog. What I do value is your honesty! No one told me what is would be like to give up my dear little home and move into a goldfish bowl slap bang next to the church. I think people either think we're really odd or just enjoy knowing or thinking they know all about us. All I want is my own little home back. Whose stupid idea was it to build vicarages next to the church anyway? Not good for families or marriages. I'm a Vicars Wife GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

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  7. I really struggle with the back stabbing of the congregation and the spiteful comments made about us. we have been here for 9 months and Im beginning to wonder what I can do to get out of this situation. It really hurts. perhaps I should be more thick skinned. I had no preparation to be a vicars wife and was just thrown in at the deep end. I dont know how he does it and know hes struggling as much as I am.

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